"God, Please Don't Make My Son Dark": A Mothers Pain

As a child, Tangela says she was teased and tormented by other African-Americans because of her dark complexion. Then, when she was 19 years old, Tangela found out she was pregnant with her first child.While most expectant mothers just hope for a healthy child,Tangela prayed for something more.

“I would just say to God, ‘Please don’t make my son dark. Please don’t make my child dark,’” she says. “I didn’t want him to experience what I experienced…being called names, being talked about.”

When Tangela’s son, Najee, was born with dark skin, she says her heart ached for his future. “I saw people looking at him as if something was wrong with him,” she says. “That’s the pain that I really felt, more so than my own darkness.”

When Najee was 5 years old, children started teasing him about his complexion. In kindergarten, he says a female classmate, who was also African-American, made a hurtful remark that he remembers to this day. “The negative comment was, ‘Oh, you’re so black,” he says.

As Najee grew older, the insults continued. “I’ve been called names like darkie, dark chocolate, blackie,” he says. “Most of my negative comments do come from other blacks, and it’s extremely painful.”

Najee says he tries to hide his deep-seated insecurities from his friends and family by pretending to be happy. But deep down, a lifetime of low self-esteem is starting to take a toll on him. “Sometimes I have felt that I didn’t even want to be on this earth,” he says. “Sometimes I wish that God didn’t make me this way.”

His mother says her biggest regret is not understanding how much pain Najee has been feeling over the years. Tangela says she tried asking Najee if anyone teased him, but he never wanted to discuss it.

“I tried to give him books and encouragement and let him know he was beautiful. He had beautiful teeth,” she says. “It almost didn’t matter how much I told him because I didn’t know what was going on.”

From Oprah.com

As you all know, I feel that this complex needs to be broken in the black community. It is a vicious cycle that is hurting our children both emotionally and mentally. To help stop self-black hatred, tell a black child of any hue that they are beautiful. This goes a long way.I remember the times that people have given me compliments on my skin.They stood out because of their rarity. I got used to hearing some of the things that Najee was told and unfortunately see dark skinned people and children teased a lot.

Tell a child that their skin is gorgeous. It could be as fair as snow, or as dark as dusk, help instill self-esteem, and stop self-black hate from the root.

Help undo what is being done by society.